I want to kms because I was bad at a video game last night just like I’m bad at everything probably, just like in primary school, and that I’ve changed and gotten smarter and hard-working and that as a result I’m capable of doing anything well was just a narcissistic delusion of grandeur on my part, and I can’t believe I made such a fool of myself to think that I’m one of the people capable of doing anything well.

I’m a waste of resources and all my achievements of things that I thought were hard must be relatively meaningless and miniscule and must come to other people easier and naturally and this is evidence of that.

I hate society for not having enough structure to give me this feedback sooner, although it is my fault for being so intellectually dishonest and avoiding competition to maintain undeserved hope, at least I can stop trying at anything in life to avoid the disappointment of failure and rot in bed instead of pushing myself to learn some bullshit or be better at anything.