… And one day, Jesus saw a fig tree. It was not the season for figs, and so there were no figs on the fig tree. But still, Jesus wanted a fig. He was upset there were no figs, and so he cursed the tree to never bear fruit again. If he couldn’t have a fig, no one could! Probably bathed its roots in a thin stream of uric acid, I don’t know.
Point is, that fig tree never made another fig, and when his followers asked how, Jesus zipped up his pants and said “if you believe in me, you can do anything. Not only can you totally curse trees to death, you can fuckin’ teleport mountains into the ocean. That’d be sick, dude.”
Thought that one always tied back to the whole “you shall know them by their fruits” thing.
As in those who talk nice but don’t produce anything useful (like a fig tree that doesn’t produce figs, just leaves) are not really doing what Jesus said. Don’t be like the Pharisees hollering out in the streets, just love God and do good in the world.
I think you’re confusing the testaments, Jesus was ultimately a great guy as far as I can tell. The God used to be extremely cruel and vengeful in the old testament, though.
This is a common misconception, if you dig into it you’ll see that God is basically the same in both old and new testaments. Nobody talked about hell more than Jesus.
You mean Gehenna, the literal place that was just a garbage dump around the corner? “Don’t go to that place, man, it sucks. Somebody lit a trash pile on fire two weeks ago and it’s still burning now. It’s gross.”
Or did you mean Hades, the place John (no, not that John (probably)) wrote about many years after Jesus’s death? In the book of Revelation, the whole of which is full of obvious symbolic imagery? A) not Jesus and B) still not “hell”.
Ohhhhh you were talking about Dante Alighieri, the guy born twelve hundred years later, who invented our modern concept of hell whole cloth.
“Hell”, a translation of any of the three words Gehenna, Hades, and Tartarus, show up anywhere between 13 and 23 times in the entire new testament. That wide range is due to differences in translations and source texts.
Nobody talks about Jesus talking about hell more than modern preachers who profit off of making people fearful. You know, the exact people Jesus would have thrashed out of the temple with a whip.
Thought that one always tied back to the whole “you shall know them by their fruits” thing.
As in those who talk nice but don’t produce anything useful (like a fig tree that doesn’t produce figs, just leaves) are not really doing what Jesus said. Don’t be like the Pharisees hollering out in the streets, just love God and do good in the world.
There is a story in the Apocrypha (decanonized Bible books) where childhood Jesus turns another kid into a tree. I like to think it’s the same tree.
Yes but it’s still weird because it wasn’t the right time of year for it to have fruit. The tree would have if Jesus hadnt been a dick.
Well then you’re back to Ecclesiastes. Everything in its season etc.
Idk, I was just trying to put the best argument forward, but l’m not really a fan of the New Testament in part because of its inconsistency.
I think you’re confusing the testaments, Jesus was ultimately a great guy as far as I can tell. The God used to be extremely cruel and vengeful in the old testament, though.
This is a common misconception, if you dig into it you’ll see that God is basically the same in both old and new testaments. Nobody talked about hell more than Jesus.
You mean Gehenna, the literal place that was just a garbage dump around the corner? “Don’t go to that place, man, it sucks. Somebody lit a trash pile on fire two weeks ago and it’s still burning now. It’s gross.”
Or did you mean Hades, the place John (no, not that John (probably)) wrote about many years after Jesus’s death? In the book of Revelation, the whole of which is full of obvious symbolic imagery? A) not Jesus and B) still not “hell”.
Ohhhhh you were talking about Dante Alighieri, the guy born twelve hundred years later, who invented our modern concept of hell whole cloth.
“Hell”, a translation of any of the three words Gehenna, Hades, and Tartarus, show up anywhere between 13 and 23 times in the entire new testament. That wide range is due to differences in translations and source texts.
Nobody talks about Jesus talking about hell more than modern preachers who profit off of making people fearful. You know, the exact people Jesus would have thrashed out of the temple with a whip.
Lol? Read Matthew 21:18-46
I never told you he wasn’t goofy, ay!
… my original comment was a beat for beat parody of that passage…
You’re right, I somehow must’ve been distracted when replying to your second comment and totally lost a grip on what we were talking about