Does this actually work to coock it?
Doesn’t seem safe to try to get your cock in it while it’s in the hot spring. Maybe you could find a way to make it could actually work…but why? Are you a masochist or something?
Is it at all edible?
Sous vide method would probably have the most chance Of being edible since the turkey would be vacuum sealed
Is there any environmental impact or downside?
Yes. That’s why the park service is saying not to do this. You’d be introducing new chemicals into a delicate ecosystem and also potentially physically damaging it.
ULTIMATE_HACKERMAN seems like it’d be easy to remember though.