I just want to mention that this man once kicked Dave Mustaine’s dog, and got punched in the face for it.

I would also like to point out that in many stories I am far from the main character. I am simply someone that was present for something unusual. For instance, One time I accidentally hung out with a murderer a few days after he killed, but a few days before he turned himself in. He only told me this once we were alone, and he went into great detail. I’m not the main character in that one. It’s just told from my perspective.

I wouldn’t be against it. After all it’s the story of my experiences. From my point of view. So, I mean that would literally make me the main character. No “syndrome” necessary.

While I agree at least from a philosophical standpoint. I am related to too many cops. My uncle was the captain of the Birmingham police Dept. He was the last person to arrest MLK jr. before MLK assassinated. I have worked with cops. I was the bouncer at a bar and we hired cops on the weekend. Those cops were notorious for letting underage chicks in if they were hot. Also, one of the main groups that hung out at that bar were 1% motorcycle club, most of which were local cops. One time a friend flipped off a driver that almost ran us over. The driver came back and told us he was the mayor of the town and his son was chief of the police. He left and the cops showed up. They threatened us with batons and tasers. They arrested my friend for disturbing the peace. I once had a cop choke me while I was handcuffed because he couldn’t find “the dope”. Yet I can say that out of all the interactions I’ve had with cops only one was beneficial. I had a cop drive me home one night when I was walking home drunk.

So, no one should be presumed guilty until proven innocent. My experience tells me that cops are all pieces of shit and are not here for my or anyone else’s benefit, unless you have money.

Oh yeah! I almost forgot. I have a cousin that was a retired deputy. He shot and killed his drug addicted son in cold blood because he was tired of him begging. The county he was a deputy with investigated it and deemed it self defense.

I am a case study in what happens when you just go with it to an extreme. I’ve been thinking about starting a community where I share stories about things I’ve done, things that happened to me, and more importantly the people I’ve met. I’ve been to Nepal and Tibet with a new age cult. I was a homeless heroin addict for over a decade. I was a racist piece of shit until I met an hiv infected gay man that took the time to teach me about empathy, and I am eternally grateful for the lessons he taught me.

I have tons of stories like this one and more. Far far crazier ones. My mom died when I was 7 and my dad worked a whole bunch of overtime and dated a lot. I didn’t really have parents. So I collected parental figures. One was a single dad biker that looked like captain Jack sparrow, but it was the 90’s. He made dinner for me every night. That way when I left night college I had a hot meal. He passed away last week.

I had a mother figure that was like a female early cuyler from squidbillies. She was red neck as fuck and always had a .38 revolver with her. She got me my first checking account. She also sold me Xanax.

So, I was in a bar that looked just like thin in New Orleans one night. Spoiler alert, a lot of bars look like this in New Orleans. When a cop rode his horse into the bar right next to me. The bartender then took a handful of maraschino cherries and fed them to the horse. Aside from my very rational distaste for cops the horse eating cherries part was cute.

Here’s a better one for ya. If the worst thing you unknowingly put in your mouth, chew, and swallow is a little cat butt. Then, you should consider yourself lucky.

I did pest control for several years. We always said that cats are the worst pest in the house. They stomp around in a box of their own feces and urine. Then they track that all over your counter tops and furniture. They sit on you counters and furniture with a bare butthole.

I mean let’s face it. If you have a cat you’ve more than like put something in your mouth that touched their b-hole even if indirectly.