Yeah, that’s a good point.

No, there’s more to it than that. Immediately taking the manager to task gives more credence to an employee lawsuit. Their “best” first approach is to talk to the employee, even scold them. What they want is for the issue to go away without the company getting bad press or a legal issue. It’s not that they’re bad at their job, it’s that their job has zero to do with being an employee advocate.

They might also scold the manager, but that will happen off the record and behind closed doors.

I’m surprised so many people still don’t realize that HR exists to protect the company, not the employee. Yes, since a bad or reckless manager can put the company at significant risk, sometimes they will take the side of the employee, but not because it’s their charter.

I guess some businesses and industries check more than others. Where I worked, you had to submit your transcripts, plus they did background checks for criminal records.

Wouldn’t be worth the anxiety for me.

On the other hand, I’ve long been a proponent of the above board fake it till you make it approach. There were many, many times in my career that my boss needed something done and I told him I could probably figure it out if he keeps his expectations low. Got to do a lot of interesting things that way and learned some really cool stuff.

And every promotion was like that. They knew all of my experience, but were putting me in a new position. Managing people for the first time is always a fake it till you make it situation.

Well sure, of course. I’m more likely to hire a painter to paint my house if he says he’s been in business 20 years, but I’m going to be pissed off it turns out in his first job and he’s bad at it.

I was a hiring manager in aerospace for decades. We for sure checked transcripts before a start date.

I also just don’t get people who lie on their resumes. That would cause me so much anxiety. Even for things I have training or experience with, I always worry people are going to expect me to be more proficient than I am. I had I guy put that he was fluent in a computer language that I’m not sure he’d ever seen, so everyone was always frustrated with him and he eventually got laid off.

Thanks a lot. No worries about my dad -he was pushing 80 when he died, and he lived a life most people would be proud of. It was also 24 years ago. Sadly, my mom lived ten years longer, and I think the only reason she didn’t die of a broken heart is because she got Alzheimer’s and kind of forgot about my dad’s dying.

I don’t think there’s one kind of healthy relationship. Every person has strengths and weaknesses. The key is finding a person whose strengths and weaknesses meshes with your own. I’ve seen people with significant issues have happy marriages with spouses who just love them and balance with them.

Ultimately, all we can do is try to work with our partners, understand that every relationship has rough times, and hope we can weather those times. Sadly, there’s no guarantees, as I can attest to.

Thank you

Saying “I love you” with food is a wonderful thing. My mom did that and I for sure learned that from her. I think the transient aspect of it is great too.

It’s funny, one of the people who really wanted me to find a way to make my sculptures permanent was my high school art teacher, who I stayed friends with for a long time after graduating. Who left that school the year I graduated and went on to be a pretty well known imagineer at Disney. Not looking after he started there, he hit me up and said I have to buy some sculpy, which they used at Disney a lot. Turns out it feels just like modeling clay but you can bake it in the oven and it ends up like a hard plastic. So ironically, I still have a few pieces I made from back in the day.

Sorry you’re going through that. I’m going to make the assumption that, with it being a ten year relationship, you’re not super young, but much younger than me (I’m 62). I hope you and your partner are both able to move on in a way you can be at peace with it, and once you’ve grieved the relationship are able to find someone who works better.

Goes both ways, I’m happy to chat if you’d like.

I’m an open guy and didn’t mind sharing whatever, but I’m not sure which aspect you’re interested in. I had great role models - my parents were happily married for 50 years until my dad died. My wife and I had problems off and on for years, and we’ve been more roommates than romantic partners for quite some time. We had an argument and she confessed that she hasn’t been in love with me for some time. She’s not with anyone else or anything like that, but she doesn’t want to be with me.

When I was young I used to like sculpting in modeling clay. After I had made whatever it was and shown it to my friends, I’d smush it up and make something else. I had a constant stream of people trying to get me to change my medium so that stuff could be made permanent, but I didn’t like the feel and I was fine with the pieces being temporary.

There are a lot of things like that. People make ice sculptures or do performance art. People enjoy an experience, sometimes as simple as a sunset. Yes, some of those people will try to capture the moment, say with a photograph, but lots of people are okay with the ephemeral.

Yeah, I think you’re right here: it’s all about intent. If someone starts a business, it does well, but then they end it because they want to do something else, is not a failure. If they wanted the business to keep going, but people weren’t buying enough of their product to keep the doors open, that’s a failure.

You could do the same with any of the examples. It’s not a failure if the people are happy to stop or it lasted as long as could reasonably be expected, but if it ends before the people wanted it to, that’s a failure. The rocket that lifts its payload to orbit, then shuts off and falls back to earth is a success. But no one says “Well, the rocket ran great halfway to the planned orbit, so even though it and the payload fell back to earth, it was successful.”

My wife just moved out after 30 years of marriage, and it sure feels like a failure to me. Maybe some people get to the point where it’s not working, and they aren’t invested in the marriage so much that walking away is painful. I think most people would say they shouldn’t have been married if they weren’t that invested in making it work though.

A lot of people have suggested that we should have marriage contracts that have a renewable time limit. Like, “Hey, let’s get married for ten years and see how that goes.” I could see that being a good thing, but I also think it’s fundamentally a different mindset than the traditional expectation of forever.

I had a Sound Blaster 16 in my computer from about that year. Had totally forgotten that sound cards were almost as prevalent as video cards.

I’m ducking out of this thread before it gets nasty

I don’t think that changes anything.

I’m not at all arachnophobic - I’ll often pick spiders up with my hand to put them outside - but I don’t think I could let this one crawl on me without crying.

DOGE said they’re going to rewrite the existing SSA code, which is done in COBOL, to modernize it, and everyone is pointing out how fraught with peril that is. This is saying they’re going to do it in assembly, which is what we do when we need highly efficient code, like for a resource-constrained real-time control system, but is also much more challenging to program. The chance of rewriting a giant COBOL application in Assembly, and not making a whole mess of errors, is really small. And it would be very hard to maintain.