I’m at a shitty point in my life where I’m just close enough to rock bottom to smell it but far enough that I still have something to lose.
One thing I still have control over is what I’m going to have for lunch. I decided on chicken legs. I’m going to smoke them with Applewood and score the legs so they can hold bbq sauce. I’m going to the store soon but don’t have a favorite sauce, and I’m looking for recommendations. What bbq sauce is best to cook onto the chicken legs?
One thing I learned, is that, most of the time, someone is only out of your league if you believe they are. I don’t know you (beyond our little conversation here) or her (at all), but it sounds like you have a lot to offer. And, no, not giving her everything, but that part shows me that you’re emotionally available, or, at the very least, willing to be. Although, I don’t know if I would recommend dating or pursuing a coworker, as it can lead to some very unpleasant situations.
Another thing I’ve learned, happiness and success are not actually linked to one another. I know several well-off to bumtasticlly rich people who, I think, everyone would categorize as super successful, and they are some of the most unhappy people. I also know rich people who are happy, and poor people who are happy, and poor people who are unhappy. My point is that money and success won’t make you happy.
Money makes life easier sometimes, but good friends (emphasis on the good), I think, add more happiness than a ton of money.
I think the BetterHelp thing is a wonderful place to start, even if you have to bend the truth a bit to get in. You deserve happiness.
Believe in yourself, and don’t be afraid to be happy–that’s one of the hardest things to do after a stint (no matter how long or short) of depression. Tell yourself every single day that you deserve to be happy and you are going to be happy today. Literally, write it on a stickynote on the mirror “I deserve to be happy, and I will be happy today” and read it out loud (even as a whisper) every morning. Maybe add a phone reminder to remind you of this fact throughout the day.
I feel like I just don’t know how to impress her. Part of me says I shouldn’t have to try so hard that I’m not acting like myself, and the other part of me says that I need to be an exceptional person to stand out among the other men she might meet.
I think you’re right about money not equaling happiness. I never wanted to be a millionaire, i just want enough to entertain my hobbies occasionally.
As far as it being a bad idea to date a coworker- i know it’s not great but I don’t think she’s going to work at my job for much longer. Still I’m aware the consequences of dating a coworker is immediate site reassignment and likely a pay cut. Love isn’t free though.
Yeah, that’s a hard one. On one hand, we always want to be who we think she wants us to be when we’re first dating, but on the other hand, this isn’t sustainable. Eventually, our true selves come out, leading to statements like “you’re not the man I started dating” or whatnot and it could lead to a breakup. I’m of the belief that if someone doesn’t like me for me, then she doesn’t deserve to have me. That said, however, there’s nothing wrong with having (safe and respectful) fun as we wait for the one.
If the job is temporary and finding another job is relatively easy, the risk is minimal. If the job isn’t temporary, but it’s not the career you want, the risk is higher but not high. If the job is in the field you want to career in, the risk is high. Of course, if the consequences of dating a coworker is basically termination, they (your employers) don’t need to know. I think it’s unethical to date your subordinate or your supervisor/manager, but I don’t see anything ethically wrong with dating a coworker.
Honestly, dude. We gotta make this life count and, sometimes, that means taking calculated risks (like dating a coworker), and sometimes it means playing it safe (like not risking reassignment). You can conduct a risk analysis (be brutally honest with yourself), and decide if it’s worth pursuing. I fell in love with my best friend (stupid move, I know). I sat on it as long as I could. Eventually, I was starting to see the world in unsaturated colors. I did a risk analysis on asking her out with the potential of losing my best friend. I was determined that I wouldn’t allow this to completely destroy our friendship, and finally built the courage to do ask her out. She said no. And it was super awkward for a week or so. But I kept being her friend. She changed her mind to “I’ll think about it”. Shoot, I’ll take that! A week or so later we gave it a shot. She fell in love a week after that, and we’ve been together since. These things can happen, but they’re the exception. The thing is, even if we don’t realize we’re doing this, we’re all looking for our One, but are all super cautious of one another, trying our best to guard our hearts. This causes rifts to grow between us, and we go from potential friends to “just coworkers”. Seriously, I see this going both ways and they’re both equally plausible, so I truly don’t know which to recommend :( All I can say is to run the risk analysis and determine whether this is a risk you’re willing to take, and I can also say that whichever you do decide, know that I support it and have got your back as best as an internet stranger can.