It’s summer, grommies! Surf’s up! Catch a wave and you’re sittin’ on…well, most likely a whirl of microplastics, urine and algae. I remember grabbing my board and goin’ down the Belt Parkway to catch a wave off of the 69th Street Pier, sometimes pipelining all the way to the Verrazzano…but I digress.

Big Wednesday is John Milius’ 1978 surfer movie and what a wipeout it is. The 120-minute-plus movie in all the time it has to expound on the relationships of the three main characters—Banana Splits co-star and World’s Greatest Athlete Jan-Michael Vincent, future Greatest American Hero, William Katt, and Buddy Holly impersonator and future reality-show staple, Gary Busey—never connects emotionally on any level. Director and co-scripter (with journalist Dennis Aaberg) Milius apparently preferred to remain squarely in melodramatic and nostalgic territory, despite the supposedly autobiographical screenplay. There are no big laughs, no big dramas, there’s nothing big except for the swells and the film’s title.

Beyond the surfing there’s only a superficial bond between the three “friends”, Katt’s and Vincent’s romantic relationships are two dimensional at best and any other of the film’s relationships, such as between surfboard maker “The Bear” and the boys, are never developed at any real level. The movie is just one anecdote after another with all the connections left out.

To add insult to the skin-deep injury is Basil Poledouris’ full-orchestra heroic soundtrack which is far better suited to something that could withstand the weight; at times it seemed it was almost mocking the visuals.

The only really spectacular parts of this film are the surfing sequences, many actually performed by Vincent, Katt and Busey, plus surfer Gerry Lopez. If you must see it, see it only for that.

Fun fact: this movie actually launched the fictitious Bear brand of surfing gear and sportswear, which, unlike the movie Bear brand, these days is under license to Italian sportswear company, Cisalfa.

Edit 21:37:36, CEST: stupid typographical errors.